Fritz: All Fritz/All Fritz.zip/All Fritz/FILES/HUMOUMOR/SNIGLET.LZH/SNIGLET.TXT

Text File | 1987-06-26 | 31KB | 573 lines

:abzot (AB zaht) - n. The device in a currency changer that
determines whether a bill is too wrinkled or not.
:accordionated (ah KOR de on ay tid) - adj. Being able to drive and
refold a road map at the same time.
:aeroma (ayr OH ma) - n. The odor emanating from an exercise room
after an aerobics workout.
:aeropalmics (ayr o PALM iks) - n. The study of wind resistance
conducted by holding a cupped hand out the car window.
:alponium (al PO nee um) - n. (chemical symbol-Ap) Initial blast of
odor upon opening a can of dog food.
:ambiportalous (am bih PORT ahl us) - adj. Possessing the uncanny
knack for approaching a set of double doors and ALWAYS pushing the
locked one.
:anaception (an a SEP shun) - n. The body's ability to actually
affect television reception by moving about the room.
:antalixic (and a LIK sik) - n. One who passes over licorice
jelly beans.
:anticiparcellate (an ti si PAR sel ate) - v. Waiting until the
mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail,
so as not to appear too anxious.
:aquadextrous (ak wa DEKS trus) - adj. Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
:aqualibrium (ak wa LIB re um) - n. The point where the stream of
drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the
drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself
in the eye.
:arachnidiot (ar ak NI di ot) - n. A person, who, having wandered
into an "invisible" spider web begins gyrating and flailing about
wildly.
:attrinyl (a TRY nil) - n. (chemical symbol-At) A black,
bulletproof, totally inflexible type of plastic, used primarily in
covers of pay phone directories.
:bandile (BAN dyl) - n. The thin red strip one pulls to release a
Band-Aid.
:bargarcs (BAR jarks) - n. The streaks on a car's windshield from
faulty wipers.
:bathquake (BATH kwake) - n. The violent quake that rattles the
entire house when the water faucet is turned to a certain point.
:bevameter (BEV a meet uhr) - n. (a unit of measure) The distance a
coaster, attached to the bottom of a wet glass, will travel before it
falls back to earth.
:bleemus (BLEE mus) - n. The disgusting film on the top of soups and
cocoa that sit out for too long.
:blibula (BLIH byu luh) - n. The spot on a dog's stomach which, when
rubbed, causes his leg to rotate wildly.
:blindelize (BLIN dul eyes) - v. To scratch an album beyond
recognition trying to maneuver it over the record spindle.
:blithwapping (BLITH wap ing) - v. Using anything BUT a hammer to
hammer a nail into the wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops,
etc.
:blivett (BLIH vit) - v. To turn one's pillow over and over, looking
for the cool spot.
:blotch (blahch) - v. To slap the bottom of a catsup bottle with
increasing intensity, ultimately resulting in BLOTCHSLIDE.
:bobblogesture (bah blo JES cher) - n. The classroom activity of not
knowing an answer but raising one's hand anyway (after determining a
sufficient number of other people have also raised their hands, thus
reducing the likelihood of actually being called on).
:boslum (BAHZ lum) - n. The small metal ring on a ballpoint pen that
separates the top half (MELANEXUS) from the bottom half (MOOSTERUS).
:bovilexia (bo vil EKS e uh) - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out
the car window and yell "Moo!!" every time you pass a cow.
:brattled (BRAT uld) - adj. The unsettling feeling, at a stoplight,
that the busload of kids that just pulled up beside you is making fun
of you.
:brimplet (BRIM plit) - n. A frayed shoelace that must be moistened
to pass through a shoe eyelet.
:bucklint (BUCK lint) - n. The fine red and blue threads running
through new dollar bills.
:buculets (BUK u lets) - n. The bumper guards on the underside of a
toilet seat.
:bumperglints (BUMP ur glintz) - n. The small reflective obstacles in
the middle of interstate highways which supposedly keep drivers awake
and on the track.
:burbulation (ber byu LAY shun) - n. The obsessive act of opening and
closing a refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the
little automatic light comes on.
:bursploot (BER sploot) - v. To position one's thumb at the end of a
garden hose to increase the water pressure.
:busblender (BUS blen dur) - v. The device at the front of the bus
that tosses your fare around for awhile, then swallows it.
:butavation (BUT ah vay shun) - v. The process of joining a group of
people standing in front of an elevator door and pressing the call
button, on the assumption that nobody standing there has called for
the elevator yet.
:cabnicreep (KAB nih kreep) - n. The structural condition in which
the closing of one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.
:careena (ka REEN uh) - n. Any mangled or missing piece of highway
guard rail.
:carperpetuation (KAR pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum ONE MORE CHANCE.
:cereoallocative (ser e o AL o ka tuv) - adj. Describes the ability
of a seasoned breakfast eater to establish a perfect cereal/banana
ratio, assuring there will be at least one slice of banana left for
the final spoonful of cereal.
:chalktrauma (CHAWK traw ma) - n. The body's reaction to someone
running his fingernails down a chalkboard.
:charp (charp) - n. The green, mutant potato chip found in every bag.
:cheedle (CHEE dul) - n. The residue left on one's fingertips after
consuming a bag of Cheetos.
:chingrip (CHIN grip) - n. The area where the chin meets the neck.
Used for holding the pillow when slipping on a pillowcase.
:choconiverous (chahk o NIV ur us) - adj. The tendency when eating a
chocolate Easter bunny to bite off the head first.
:chwads (chwadz) - n. The small, disgusting wads of bubble gum
commonly found beneath table and counter tops.
:cigadent (SIG a dent) - n. Any accident involving a cigarette: for
instance when it sticks to your lips while your fingers slide off and
get burned.
:cinemuck (SI ne muk) - n. The combination of popcorn, soda, and
melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.
:circlocryogenic theory (sur klo kri o JEN ik  THE ur ree) - n.
Postulates that no matter which way you turn a glass of ice water, the
cubes fall to the back.  (Further research has established that one
piece of ice will always stick to the bottom of any empty glass until
tapped, at which point it will come forward and smack the drinker on
the end of his nose.)
:circuloin technique (SUR kew loyn  tek NEEK) - n. The popular approach
to steak dining in which one eats around the edges first, then works
his way toward the middle.
:clumfert (KLUM furt) - n. The invisible extra step at the top and
bottom of a staircase.  Usually materializes when one is carrying a
large bag of groceries.
:coeggulant (ko EG yu lent) - n. The white things in a plate of
scrambled eggs.
:conagraphs (KOHN a grafs) - n. The raised relief squares on an ice
cream come.
:creedles (KRE dulz) - n. The colony of microscopic indentations on a
golf ball.
:crummox (KRUM oks) - n. The cereal that gets caught between the
inner lining and the side of the box.  Also, the leftover amount at
the bottom.  (Not enough to eat, but too much to throw away.)
:curbswell (KERB swel) - n. A seismic condition in which the curb on
the passenger side of a car will rise and wedge a car door.  The
passenger must then climb out and stand on the curb until the swelling
goes down.
:dasho (DA show) - n. The area between a car's windshield and
dashboard, where coins, pencils, etc. cannot be humanly retrieved.
:deterrency (de TER ren see) - n. The ruined currency found in pants
pockets after laundering.
:detruncus (de TRUNK us) - n. The embarrassing phenomenon of losing
one's bathing shorts while diving into a swimming pool.
:disconfect (dis kon FECT) - v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
"remove" all the germs.
:door slinky (dor  SLIN kee) - n. The springy device attached to the
back of a door that prevents the door from marring the wall.
:dublectate (duh BLEK tayt) - v. To misplace one's eyeglasses and
eventually discover them atop one's head.
:ecnalubma (ek na LUB ma) - n. A rescue vehicle which can only be
seen in the rear-view mirror.
:elbonics (el BON iks) - n. The action of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.
:elecelleration (el a cel er AY shun) - n. The mistaken notion that
the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
:equatt (E kwat) - n. The pastime of trying to balance the light
switch in the exact middle of the wall plate, so that the light is
half on, half off.
:erdu (UHR dew) - n. The leftover accumulation of rubber particles
after erasing a mistake on a test paper.
:escalasticize (esk a LAST i size) - v. To lean against the rail of a
moving escalator and have the sensation of being pulled in the opposite
directions.
:euneeblic (you NEE blik) - n. A person who refuses to believe an
"out of order" sign and risks his money anyway.
:expressholes (eks PRES holz) - n. People who try to sneak more than
the "eight items or less" into the express checkout line.
:fenderberg (FEN dur burg) - n. The large glacial deposits that form
on the insides of car fenders during snowstorms.
:flannister (FLAN is tur) - n. The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack
of beer together.
:flen (flen) - n. (chemical symbol-Fl) The black crusty residue that
accumulates on the necks of old catsup bottles.
:fleptic (FLEP tik) - adj. The tendency of soup and dog food lids to
slip into the can upon opening.
:flirr (flur) - n. A photograph that features the camera operator's
finger in the corner.
:floles (floz) - n. The extra (fourth and fifth) holes in notebook
paper.  Created in the hopes that one day mankind will perfect a "five
ring binder."
:flopcorn (FLOP korn) - n. The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the
cooker.
:flotion (FLO shun) - n. The tendency when sharing a waterbed to
undulate for five minutes every time the other person moves.
:flotta factor (FLAH ta  FAK tur) - n. The proven scientific fact
that at a self-service pump, the last ten cents take longer to reach
the tank than the first twelve dollars' worth.
:flowfright (FLO frite) - n. The desperate attempt by a homeowner to
"talk" his overflowing toilet into backing down.
:fluggling (FLUG ul ing) - v. The dangerous practice, in a darkened
room, of using one's finger to guide the end of an electrical plug
into a wall socket.
:fraznit (FRAHS nit) - n. Any string hanging from an article of
clothing, which when pulled causes the article to completely unravel.
:frust (frust) - n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep in under the rug.
:furbling (FER bling) - v. Having to wander through a maze of ropes
at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.
:furnidents (FER nih dents) - n. The indentations that appear in
carpets after a piece of furniture has been removed.
:furterus zone (fer TER us  zohn) - n. The empty stretches of bun on
either end of a hot dog.
:garmites (GAR mitz) - n. Those items of clothing that fit perfectly
in the store, but somehow shrink on the way home.
:genderplex (JEN dur pleks) - n. The predicament of a person in a
theme restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated
bathroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).
:gertatious (gur TAY shus) - adj. Having the adolescent fear that
hanging one's arm over the bed at night will mean being dragged under.
:gimplexus (gim PLEK sis) - n. The rear area of the thighs, which
must be peeled from the car seat on hot summer days.
:gladhandling (GLAD han dling) - n. To attempt, with frustrating
results, to find and separate the ends of a plastic-sandwich or trash
bag.
:glantics (GLAN tiks) - n. Two people, who, while making out, open
their eyes at the same time to see if the other is looking.
:glarpo (GLAR po) - n. The juncture of the ear and skull where
pencils are stored.
:gleemule (GLEE mule) - n. (a unit of measure) One unit of
toothpaste, measured from bristle to bristle.  (Not to be confused
with GLEEMITES, which are petrified deposits of toothpaste found in
sinks.)
:glutetic chair (glew TET ik  chair) - adj. A twentieth-century
design chair, found most often in movie theaters.  The main feature of
the Glutetic chair is its ability to keep folding up underneath a
person as he tries to force it down with his rear.
:gnarmblum (NARM blum) - n. The dry wrinkly area at the end of the
elbow.
:grackles (GRAK elz) - n. The wrinkles that appear on the body after
staying in water too long.
:greelite (GREE lite) - n. The eerie glow that emanates from beneath
escalator steps.
:grinion (GRIN yun) - n. The unsightly indentation in the middle of a
belt when it has been worn too long.
:gription (GRIP shun - n. The sound of sneakers squeaking against the
floor during basketball games.
:grisknob (GRIS nahb) - n. The end of a chicken drumstick which
always gives the appearance of having more chicken on it.
:gromaxes (GROM ack sis) - n. The inside area of the knees used to
grip the steering wheel when holding a road map.
:gurmlish (GURM lish) - n. The red warning flag at the top of a club
sandwich toothpick which prevents the person from biting into it and
puncturing the roof of his mouth.
:hangle (HAN gul) - n. A cluster of coat hangers.
:hempannant (HEM pan ent) - n. Any coattail, cuff, or dress hem
dangling outside the door of a moving vehicle.
:hornlet (HORN let) - n. One of two bumps which reside on a giraffes
head between the ear lobes.
:hozone (HO zohn) - n. The place where one sock in every laundry load
disappears to.
:hudnut (HUD nut) - n. The bolt left over when one has finished
reassembling a bicycle or car engine.
:hydralation (hi dra LAY shun) - n. Acclimating oneself to a cold
swimming pool by bodily regions-toe-to-knee, knee-to-waist, waist-to-
elbow, elbow-to-neck.
:hystioblogination (HIS te o blahg in AY shun) - n. The act of trying
to identify a gift by holding it to your ear and shaking it.
:idiot box (ID e ot  bahks) - n. The part of the envelope that tells
a person WHERE to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out
for themselves.
:ignisecond (IG ni sek und) - n. The overlapping moment of time when
the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying "my keys
are in there!"
:jiffylust (JI phee lust) - n. The inability to be the first person
to carve into a brand-new beautiful jar of peanut butter.
:kedophobia (ked oh FO be uh) - n. The fear of having one's sneakers
eaten by the teeth on the escalator.
:knimpel (NIM pul) - n. The missing last piece of a jigsaw puzzle.
:krogt (kraht) - n. (chemical symbol-Kr) The metallic silver coating
found on fast-food game cards.
:lactomangulation (LAK to man gyu LAY shun) - n. Manhandling the
"open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to
using the "illegal" side.
:laminites (LAM in itz) - n. Those strange people who show up in the
photo sections of brand-new wallets.
:lotshock (LAHT shahk) - n. The act of parking your car, walking
away, and then watching it roll past you.
:lub (lub) - n. The small deposit of spinach that lodges itself
between one's teeth.
:McMonia (muk MOAN ee uh) - n. (chemical symbol-Mc) Noxious gas
created by fast-food employee mopping under your table while you're
eating.
:maggit (MAG it) - n. Any of the hundreds of subscription cards that
fall from the pages of a magazine (pl. MAGGREGATE).
:magniphobia ( mag ni FO be uh) - n. The fear that the object in the
side mirror is MUCH MUCH closer than it appears.
:magnocartic (mag no KAR tik) - n. Any automobile that, when left
unattended, attracts shopping carts.
:manglazette (mang la ZET) - n. The newspaper at the top of the stack
that everyone passes over, believing the ones beneath have better or
fresher news.
:marp (marp) - n. The impossible-to-find beginning of a roll of
cellophane tape.
:mattrescotting ( MAT res kot ing) - n. The pattern of gray and white
lines on an institutional mattress.
:maypop (MAY pop) - n. A bald tire.
:memnants (MEM nents) - n. The chipped or broken M&M's at the bottom
of the bag.
:merferator (MUR fur ay ter) - n. The cardboard core in a toilet
tissue roll.
:methylphobia (meth il FO be uh) - n. The fear that you are going to
have to pay the one cent you over-pumped at the self-service station.
:mittsquinter (MIT skwint ur) - n. A ball player who looks into his
glove after missing the ball, as if, somehow, the cause of the error
lies there.
:mophenes (MO feenz) - n. The semi-truck headlights that invade your
motel room at three in the morning.
:motspur (MOT sper) - n. The pesky fourth wheel on a shopping cart
that refuses to cooperate with the other three.
:mowmuffins ( MO muh finz) - n. The dried accumulation of grass on
the underside of lawnmowers.
:mumphreys (MUM freez) - n. (a useless sniglet) Those strange extra
digits you find on push-button phones.
:musquirt (MUS kwirt) - n. The water that comes out of the initial
squirts of a squeeze mustard bottle.
:mustgo (MUST go) - n. Any item of food that has been sitting in the
refrigerator so long that it has become a science project.
:napjerk (NAP jurk) - n. The sudden convulsion of the body just as
one is about to doze off.
:napslack (NAP slack) - n.  The clump of mangled napkins produced
at the edge of a napkin holder by a swift tug to the topmost one.
:narcolepulacy (nar ko LEP ul ah see) - n. The contagious action of
yawning, causing everyone else in sight to also yawn.
:neglintics (ne GLIN tiks) - n. The study of why dark lint attaches
itself to light clothing and vice versa.
:neonphancy (ne ON fan see) - n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling
to come to life.
:nerkle (NUR kel) - n. A person who leaves Christmas lights up all
year.
:nevitts (NEV itz) - n. The sandpaper-like deposits on a cat's
tongue.
:nistols ( NIZ tolz) - n. The small rubbery pads on the bottom of a
dog's paw.
:niz (niz) - n. An annoying hair at the top of a movie screen.
:nugloo (NUG lew) - n. The single continuous eyebrow that covers the
entire forehead.
:oatgap (OHT gap) - n. The empty space in a cereal box created by
"settling during shipment."
:opling (OH pling) - n. The act, when feeding a baby, of opening and
closing one's mouth, smacking one's lips and making "yummy" noises, in
the hope that baby will do the same.
:optortionist (op TOR shun ist) - n. The kid in school who can turn
his eyelids inside out.
:orogami (or oh GA mee) - n. The miraculous folding process that
allows Kleenexes to methodically emerge from the box one at a time.
:orosuctuous (or oh SUK chew us) - adj. Being able to hold a glass to
one's face by sheer lung power.
:pediddel (pe DID ul) - n. A car with only one working headlight.
(Related to LEDDIDEP a car with only one working taillight.)
:pedlock (PED lahk) - n. The condition of a bicycle pedal wedging
itself against the kickstand.
:pelp (pelp) - n. The crumbs and food particles that accumulate in
the cracks of dining tables.
:penciventilation (pen si ven ti LAY shun) - n. The act of blowing on
the tip of a pencil after sharpening it.
:percuburp (PER kyu berp) - n. The final gasp a coffee percolator
makes to alert you it is ready.
:petribar (PET ri bar) - n. Any sun-bleached prehistoric candy that
has been sitting in the window of a vending machine too long.
:petrool (PET rul) - n. The slow, seemingly endless strand of motor
oil at the end of the can.
:pewtone (pyu TONE) - n. (chemical symbol-Pu) A major atmospheric
component of towns with paper mills.
:phistel (FIS tul) - n. The brake pedal on the passenger side of the
car that you wish existed when you're riding with a lunatic.
:phonesia (fo NEE zhuh) - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
:phosflink (FOS flink) - v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns
out (as if, somehow, that will bring it back to life).
:photoyokel (fo to YO kul) - n. A person who presses the wrong button
on a film camera causing it to dismantle.
:phozzle (FO zul) - n. The buildup of dust on a record needle.
:picklettulance (pik ul ET yu lans) - n. The ability to remember the
entire family's order at a fast-food restaurant.
:pifflesquit (PIF ul skwit) - n. The wire net surrounding the cork of
a champagne bottle.
:pillsburglar (PILZ berg ler) - n. Person able to sample the icing on
a new cake without leaving a fingerprint.
:piyan (PI an) - n. (acronym - "Plus If You Act Now") Any
miscellaneous item thrown in on a late night television ad.  (Example -
a pitchman trying to sell an all purpose carving knife..."it's the
only knife you'll ever need.  Plus if you act now, this complete set
of steak knives...")
:point blimfark (poynt  BLIM fark) - n. The point at which the wheels
on a stagecoach appear to turn in the opposite direction.
:porkus non gratis (POR kus  non  GRAT is) - n. The scraggly piece of
bacon at the bottom of the package.
:premblememblemation (prim blum em blum AY shun) - n. Whenever you
drop a letter in the mailbox, you always re-check to make sure it's
gone down.
:profanitype (pro FAN i tipe) - n. The special symbols used by
cartoonists to replace swear words (points, asterisks, stars, and so
on).  It is yet to be determined which specific character represents
which specific expletive.
:psychophobia (sy ko FO be uh) - n. The compulsion, when using a
host's bathroom, to peer behind the shower curtain and make sure no
one is waiting for you.
:pupkus (PUP kus) - n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.
:purpitation (per pi TAY shun) - v. To take something off the grocery
shelf, decide you don't want it, and then put it in another section.
:retrocarbonic (ret tro kar BON ic) - n. Any drink machine that
dispenses the soda before the cup.
:riceroach (RYS rohch) - n. The burnt krispie in every bowl of Rice
Krispies.
:rignition (rig NI shun) - n. The embarrassing action of trying to
start one's car with the engine already running.
:rocktose (ROK tohs) - n. The hard lumps that block the pouring
spouts of sugar dispensers.
:rovalert (RO val urt) - n. The system whereby one dog can quickly
establish an entire neighborhood network of barking.
:rubuncles (RU bunk ulz) - n. The bumps on an uncooked chicken.
:sark (sark) - n. The marks left on one's ankle after wearing tube
socks all day.
:scadink (SKA dink) - n. The annoying buildup of ink on the end of a
ball-point pen.
:scandroids (SKAN droydz) - n. The striped price codes which
mysteriously began appearing on consumer products a few years ago.
:schlattwhapper (SCHLAT wap ur) - n. The window shade that allows
itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in
your face.
:schnuffel (SCHNUF ul) - n. A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling
your crotch in mixed company.
:scrabitch (SKRAB ich) - n. The impossible-to-reach area in the
middle of the back which can never be scratched.
:scribline (SKRIB line) - n. The blank area on the back of credit
cards where one's signature goes.
:scrit (skrit) - n. Anything that's been in the same place for at
least fifty years without being used, such as the archaic bottles of
hair tonic on a barber's counter.
:shirtlop (SHURT lahp) - n. The condition of a shirt that has been
improperly buttoned.
:shoefly (SHEW fliy) - n. The aeronautical terminology for a football
player who misses the punt and launches his shoe instead.
:shuggleftulation (shug lef tuyl AY shun) - n. The actions two people
approaching, trying to get around each other, and muttering "thanks
for the dance."
:sirlines (SIR lines) - n. The lines on a grilled steak.
:slackjam (SLAK jam) - n. The condition of being trapped in one's own
trousers while trying to pull them on without first removing the
shoes.
:sloopage (SLU paj) - n. The tendency of hot dogs, hamburgers, and
sandwich contents to slip from between their covers.
:slotgreed (SLOT greed) - n. The habit of checking every coin return
one passes for change.
:slurm (slerm) - n. The slime that accumulates on the underside of a
soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
:slutures (SLEW chers) - n. The four white threads that protrude from
Levis after the tag has been removed.
:sniffleridge (SNIF ul rij) - n. The trough leading from the nose to
the upper lip.
:snorfing (SNORF ing) - n. The little game waitresses love to play of
waiting until your mouth is full before sneaking up and asking, "Is
everything okay?"
:spagghetophobia (SPAG ghet to pho bi a) - n. An irrational fear of
Italian restaurants caused by the belief that imminent death
will follow the second course.
:spagmumps (SPAG mumps) - n. Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads
that accompany mail-order items.  (Also, SPAGBULLIONS- custom fitted
Styrofoam blocks that accompany stereo equipment.)
:speclums (SPEK lums) - n. The minuscule bumps on a strawberry.
:speraws (SPER awz) - n. The pinched marks on the ends of hot dogs.
:spibble (SPIB ul) - n. The metal barrier on a rotary phone that
prevents you from dailing past 0.
:spirobits (SPY ro bits) - n. The frayed bits of left-behind paper in
a spiral notebook.
:spirtle (SPUR tul) - n. The fine stream from a grapefruit that
always lands right in your eye.
:spork (spork) - n. The combination spoon/fork you find in fast food
restaurants.
:sprachett (SPRA chit) - n. The rubber bar at a checkout counter that
separates one load of groceries from another.
:spubbling (SPUB ling) - v. The superhuman feat of trying to wash
one's hands and manipulate the "water saving" faucets at the same
time.
:squalkeenus (skwal KE nus) - n. The shock syndrome that comes from
biting into a popsicle with one's front teeth.
:squatcho (SKWATCH oh) - n. (another useless sniglet) The button at
the top of a baseball cap.
:stroodle (STRU dul) - n. The annoying strand of cheese stretching
from a slice of hot pizza to one's mouth.
:strumble (STRUM bul) - n. That visible object you always pretend
made you trip, when it was actually your own stupid clumsiness.
:sturp (sterp) - v. To pin down a runaway piece of paper or currency
with one's foot before the wind blows it away.
:subnougate (sub NEW get) - v. To eat the bottom caramels in a candy
box and carefully replace the top level, hoping no one will notice.
:succubeebish (suk yu BE bish) - n. The gelatinous substance found
surrounding canned hams and Vienna sausages.
:superfluholes (sup ur FLEW holz) - n. (another useless sniglet) The
phony holes on speaker covers, put there to match the ones that
actually surround the speaker.
:swazna (SWAZ nuh) - n. The thin, disgusting membrane that connects
the bottom of the tongue to the top of the jaw, presumably to hold it
in place.
:telecrastination (tel e kras tin AY shun) - n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.
:telepression (tel e PRE shun) - n. The deep-seated guilt which stems
from knowing that you did not try hard enough to "look up the number
on your own" and instead put the burden on the directory assistant.
:thermalophobia (thur muh lo FO be uh) - n. The fear when showering
that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
:thernot (THER not) - n. The cardboard rod on a hanger that prevents
creasing in pants.
:thrickle (THRI kel) - n. The itch in the back of the throat which
can't be scratched without making disgusting barnyard-type noises.
:tiefright (TY fryt) - n. The fear that no matter which way you turn
the twist-tie on a loaf of bread, it is the wrong direction.
:tile comet (tyl  KOM it) - n. Any streamer of toilet paper attached
to your heel as you emerge from a public restroom.
:tirequills (TYR kwills) - n. The small rubbery protrusions on new
tires.
:toastate (TOHS tayt) - v. To impatiently pop toast up and down in
the toaster, thus increasing the likelihood of burning it.
:tolloaf (TOE lohf) - v. Act of missing a toll basket and having to
climb out of your car to retrieve the coin.
:tritz (trits) - n. The holes in saltine crackers.
:twinch (twinch) - n. The movement a dog makes with its head when it
hears a high-pitched noise.
:ufluation (yu flu AY shun) - n. The peculiar habit, when searching
for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that
something new will have materialized.
:uhfage (UFF aj) - n. The unit for determining a television's age,
that is, the amount of time it takes for the picture to appear once
the set has been turned on.
:upuls (YU puls) - n. The blank pages at the beginning and end of
books, presumably placed there so you can rewrite the ending.
:vulcant (VUL kant) - n. (chemical symbol-Vu) The stale air that
emanates from a flat tire.
:warbloid (WAR bloyd) - n. The tiny device in cassette players that
eats tapes.
:wattbobble (WAT bah bul) - v. To remove a hot light bulb by turning
it several seconds, letting your fingers cools, then repeating the
process.  This is generally followed by the glorious revelation of
using your shirttail.
:werxilation (wurks ul AY shun) - n. The property of some screen
doors to start to slam shut only to catch themselves at the last
moment and "float" to a gentle close.
:Wily's Law (WI leez  law) - n. The only know exception to Newton's
Law of Gravity, Wily's Law states that an animal or person can suspend
himself in midair provided (a) he is in a cartoon, and (b) he doesn't
look down and realize he is no longer on solid ground.
:wondracide (WUN druh side) - n. The act of murdering a piece of bread
with a knife and cold butter.
:wurblet (WER blit) - n. The line of moisture on one's trousers that
comes from leaning against a wet counter in a public restroom.
:xiidigitation (ksi dig TAY shun) - n. The practice of trying to
determine the year a movie was made by deciphering the roman numerals
at the end of the credits.
:yardribbons (yard RIB onz) - n. The unmowed patches of grass
discovered after one has put away the mower.
:yink (yinc) - n. One strand of hair that covers a bald spot.
:yinkel (YIN kul) - n. A person who combs his hair over his bald
spot, hoping no one will notice.
:yorange (YAWR anj) - n. Those disgusting white threads that hang
from an orange after it has been peeled.
:zibula (ZI bew luh) - n. The plastic spine which model car parts
come attached to.
:zimeter (ZI me tur) - n. (a unit of measure) The last four of five
inches of tape that never rewind automatically.
:zipple (ZI pul) - n. A broken poptop on a beer or soda can.
:zizzebots (ZI ze botz) - n. The mark on the bridge of one's nose
visible when glasses are removed.
:zyxnoid (ZIKS noid) - n. Any word that a crossword puzzler makes up
to complete the last blank, accompanied by the rationalization that
there probably is an ancient god named Ubbbu, or German river named
Wfor, and besides, who's going to check?
:Shud not display::